we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
