I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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