His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
