he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i have two assholes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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