cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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