the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
