Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
