I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
