I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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