Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
