I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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