Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
