why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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