idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
