The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
