I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
