Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
