Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
