Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
