After last night, I could never be a politician.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
