I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
