Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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