the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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