But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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