I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
