So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
