She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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