I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
