three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
