the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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