do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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