I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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