i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize