Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
