I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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