i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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