I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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