forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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