My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
