Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
