Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
