She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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