I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
