whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
