that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
