Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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