I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
