I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
