All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
