he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
