3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
