think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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