I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
