I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
