i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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