she woke up with a sticky ear
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
