he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
