just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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