she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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