I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
