She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
