I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
