why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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