is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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