We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
