i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
