Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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